Dad and Daughter: How My Dad Created Our Relationship

I am who I am because I have a dad who was intentional about developing me.

I don’t think he even realized how intentional he was – but I can tell you I’m better because of it.

Togetherness.

My childhood is full of great memories.
Camping,
fishing,
hitting golf balls in the front yard,
hanging out with my dad in his storage room amongst the thousands of tools,
him teaching me how to dance,
throwing the football or the baseball in the front yard,
watching my dad lay concrete and build a carport,
sitting by him when he helped me with my art projects,
sitting on the roof to watch fireworks. or just because.

Patience and Encouragement.

My dad let me.

He let me do so many things that at the time I couldn’t do well – and he encouraged me through them. He didn’t tell me to do it so he could watch me fail and then tell me to get out of the way. No. He taught me.

He taught me how to drive a stick shift. He had utmost patience when I was grinding the gears. He let me try – and try – and try - and never pushed me to learn faster. He just taught calmly. And I got it.

When I was learning golf, he was super coach. Not out to make me “the champion” of golf but to teach me how to do it well and consistently. Even though I needed reminding of my grip time and time again.

He let me sit in his lap when he would use the riding lawn mower to cut the grass. Eventually he taught me that, too. And one day, I was so proud because I went outside and mowed the entire lawn completely by myself. 

Me being proud of me is an awesome feeling.

He let me hang out with him under the car when he was changing the oil or working on something. He never shooed me away. Instead, he taught me the names of the tools.

He involved me in the process so I could learn. And I did. I learned that I liked cars, and I wanted to be a mechanic for a while. I even took a mechanics course in college. I wouldn’t have known I liked it if he hadn't let me hang out with him.

The difference.

I knew I had a great dad but after I went to college, I wouldn’t be seeing him every day.

That mattered to him. We didn’t chat on the phone much in high school; there wasn’t a need. But he made it a norm when I went to college.

He started off with short calls to ask me how my car was doing, how my classes were, see if I needed a little gas money. I imagine they were short because he didn’t want to interrupt my “college life” or maybe because we just didn’t have much content to discuss yet. Whatever the reason, the calls happened.

Eventually our phone chats got longer and I would tell him things about someone or some class. And then the difference came — when we had our next conversation, he would ask me about that person or that class. And I knew.

He actually listened.

And cared.

My days mattered to him.

I can’t tell you how good those conversations were/are for my soul. We still have them. And it started because my dad took the first step, knowingly or unknowingly.

Moms and Dads – never, ever, ever think that your interest in their life is unnoticed. Start small but start. Maybe your kids won’t answer, maybe it’ll seem like they don’t want to talk, or maybe your conversations will be super short for a while.

But when your kid does open up to you, listen. Then check back in with them later on that same thing.

Imagine how different things will be in a year.

Relationships are everything. That’s clicking with me more and more.

Take the first step. They need you.

-Venus