How Are You.

Them: How are you?
Me: I’m well. Thank you.
Them: I’m good, too - thanks.
Me: ??

Who started this? Who turned a question about your emotions into a greeting?

In my mind, it’s a ‘get to know you’ question. Yet, somehow, it’s become what people say out of habit or when they feel awkward.

I remember a 7 year old girl at church saying good morning to me, following it with a half hug around my waist and a “how are yeeew?” with that high pitched “you” at the end.

She had no concern for how I was. She was mimicking what she'd seen over and over again from adults.

It may seem cute, but it’s inadvertently teaching kids to be insincere.

Wherever you are, saying “Good afternoon. Thanks for inviting me. Good morning. Hello. I’m glad you’re here.” is enough. It’s polite. It recognizes the other person.

If you really want to start a conversation or if you just don’t like the awkward silence, why not compliment them? People could use more compliments.

“You’re really quick at what you do.” “Your braids look nice.” “I like those shoes.” “It’s a beautiful drive over here.” 

I find that compliments create a better exchange of pleasantries and oftentimes lead to decent conversations, however short.

Truth be told, I’m guilty of occasionally following a “How are you?” with a “How are you doing?”, but if it starts to come out, I make it a point to really ask, really wait for an answer, and maintain eye contact until they’ve answered.

However, I purposely try to avoid asking the empty question so that I’m not contributing to or encouraging it in others. I also ignore this question more often than not.

Honestly. If we meet in person and you ask me this, I'm likely going to ignore you and chime in with something else.

I think the question is great and is something we should be asking each other, but the lack of care behind the question is what could use an overhaul.

Let’s save that question for when we really have time to sit and listen.

Always up for improvement,

Venus